Sometimes my mind feels like blurry vast whiteness, a complete absence of thought. I try to think of a thought to think and my mind is like Antarctica, only without the penguins. White and homogenous like a blanket of new snow. Let me tell you that it’s quite lovely.
It occurs to me that the whiteness might not be the lack of thought, but too much thought, like a spinning color wheel.
Daughter purple, orange Son
Yellow Chores are never done
Husband said he will be red
Cats say they want colors too
Give them lovely shades of blue
Rainbow brilliance follows storm
Green says let’s expand the home
House and Garden, Work and Play
Broad diversions lead astray
Prism splits the morning light
Spectrum Technicolor life
I am enveloped by chromaticity to saturation.
They say that women are good at multitasking, and for me, at least, this is true. Sometimes, we become overwhelmed and falter. Perpetually pestering pigments spin and fade to white in the over-taxed mind. “Can we stop the spinning?” I ask. “Purple and Orange want to play. Red and I would like some quiet. Take a hike, Yellow and Green! Get off the table, Blue!” Thoroughly imbued with hues.
I try to orchestrate the chaos like a conductor, or use it as a palette but I am no van Gogh. The colors use me. They spin and I am the one who blurs.
Perhaps a more peaceful partnership with the pigments is needed. Acknowledge the white vastness. Embrace the spinning. Do the best I can and accept the rest. When the mind needs a few quiet moments to spin, let it…whee!
Spinning on a carousel, up and down, feeling dizzy. Life. It’s best to ride it, wait for a pause in the music and hope things slowly come back into focus.
Realization upon further reflection: In all of the colors above, I didn’t include a color for ME. Well, you say, white is for me. But white isn’t intentional. I really must work on giving myself a color that isn’t spinning into white!