You won’t know who you married until you spend a lifetime with them.
After twelve years together and eight years married, I can already see that this is true.
When I married my husband, his personal interests included nature, hockey and history. I was interested in nature, art, poetry and gardening, and knew nothing about sports. A perfect match!
Okay, it was more than opposite interests attracting, which fed our shared voraciousness for discovering new things. Our lives had similar beginnings and we chose parallel paths. We decided to continue our journey together, and joined on the same path.
These days, his main interests are landscaping and gardening. We have a kaffir lime tree in our house. He coaxes African violets to bloom and literally tucks our hydrangeas in a winter blanket of oak leaves. “It must be oak leaves”, he says. I’m not sure why this is, but I believe him. He has the greenest thumb I know. Yet, when I met him, he didn’t have a single plant.
His passion is growing orchids, particularly unusual orchids. We currently co-habitate with thirty-one orchids. My husband, the Orchid Master.
His green children love him and express their love for him in beauty. Our home reaps the benefits.
The discovery that he is a wonderful and devoted husband and father was not a surprise. The orchids were a very happy surprise. I could not have predicted it.
Orchidman’s interests and my interests have converged. It would have been fine if they had not, but sharing interests is fun. I love afternoons when we both work on our gardens outside. I work in the vegetable garden or in our tiny “orchard” of blueberry bushes and a few fruit trees too young to produce. He works in his herb garden or on some new area of landscaping that he’s designing. Togetherness in parallel tasks, each master or mistress of individual domains.
Tethering yourself to someone is a leap into the unknown. Your partner will change and you will change. Your interests may grow more similar or more disparate. It’s impossible to predict. As long as both partners are committed to their own continued personal growth and to the continued personal growth of the other, you both grow together.
We nurture each others’ inner Renaissance. The need to express is the shared interest for us more than any particular expression. But sharing the particulars is wonderful.
On this one-way ride, take the scenic route, in parallel, together. Marry the evolution. Await the surprises that comes from a lifetime of changes.
Orchid photo captions provided by the Orchidman himself.
(@moderatelysane on twitter)